It seems like if you’re looking for love these days, you have to join a few online dating sites. There’s just really no other way to meet people. After my relationship with a married man ended, I cautiously joined a couple of the bigger online dating sites to start meeting people again. I had all the basics covered: a witty and fun profile, several photos including two full body shots, and an honest statement that I wasn’t sure if I was looking for a relationship. Wow. Online dating had really changed since the last time I used mobile phone trackers to catch my ex on these sites. If you’re a woman and you’ve done online dating, then you know how fast your inbox will fill up with guys who are just looking to hook up. I deleted all of those, because while I don’t know if I’m ready for another relationship just yet, I wanted the option to be there.

So I went out on four dates with four different guys from two popular dating sites. And all four of them were total disasters. Here’s the recap:

Date 1

We met for coffee. I wore something cute and did my hair the same way I had it in my online profile photo, so he’d recognize me. I wish he hadn’t. His profile photo was clearly taken 20 years and 40 pounds ago. And yet he had the nerve to tell me that he was disappointed that I was “so much heavier” than in my photo. For the record, I gained only gained 3 pounds last year. So I was 3 pounds heavier than I was in my photo. When he got his coffee, he was rude to the barista and argued with her about the charge for an extra shot of coffee. Then he didn’t tip her. While he was waiting for his coffee, I slipped her a $5 bill and snuck out with a crowd of people who were leaving. I’m glad he didn’t have a way to track down my location with one of those mobile phone trackers.

Date 2

I always insist on meeting online dates in a public place. When I went outside to my car to drive the location of our date (a nice, local restaurant), he was sitting outside my house in a big white van and offered me a ride, again. I never told him where I lived. How did he find my address without using mobile phone trackers? I immediately went back inside, shut and locked the door, and sat with my phone, ready to call 911. Eventually, he left and I didn’t need police intervention.

Date 3

Don't "phub" your date.
Some people are too preoccupied with their phones to pay any attention to their date.

I took a chance with dating a guy who was a few years younger than me. We met at my favorite coffee shop. He barely looked up at me when I arrived, because he was busy watching Breaking Bad on his phone and texting someone else. I didn’t know who it was, because I didn’t have any mobile phone trackers to give me access to his phone. But it might as well have been another girl. After a few minutes, I just left. He still didn’t notice.

Date 4

This one was the worst. Turned out that the guy didn’t want to actually date me. Instead, he wanted to fill his quota requirement for the month. When I sat down across the table from him, he pulled out a Bible and started preaching to me. Date over.